Half asleep

I'm half asleep. literally. I've been sleeping a lot during the last two days. I've had trouble waking up and my head hurts whenever I do wake up. I don't know what to write, So I'll just ramble on about how terrible I feel like.
I can't remember a single full dream I've had, but merely flashes of them. Mostly forest and such.
I feel like something's about to happen, because I'm extremely paranoid and disoriented. Something is wrong. I don't know what is the cause of my horrible condition, but I know for sure that It isn't normal. Not for me. I'm rarely sick.

Sorry for the short post.

-Darkn3z

Have you ever...?

So, I'm feeling okay if we're not counting the migraine that's banging in my head. I had another nightmare last night, I was being chased around Helsinki by something. (I don't even live in Helsinki, and I'm positive that it wasn't the Slender Man this time.) and I was in panic when I woke up from the dream. Also, earlier today, I suddenly got a weird urge to hurt someone. I don't know why, but that's completely new, because even though I'm quite hot headed, and I get angry easily, I'm not very violent. I felt almost like I wanted to kill someone. I have no idea why, and the feeling is very hard to describe, but it's almost like a gut feeling, I could feel my body growing all twitchy and I felt like I was "missing something," "like I had to do something" and my brain just clicked and I could feel my mind going all "Kill Kill Kill!" mode. I got really scared, because that came just out of the blue. I've never had this kind of urges before, and I don't usually like hurting others! I'm scared. What if I hurt someone for real? I kan still kind of feel it, but it's not that strong anymore... wat do?!

-Darkn3z

I think I did it?

So I feel like a total moron right now. I tried the A=26 Z=1 (as in reversed A=1, Z=26), but it didn't work out. Well, after trying to decode it for a while, I went back to the A=26, and realized that HEY, FINNISH ALPHABET HAS 29 LETTERS. The normal ones and then afer Z, comes the swedish O, (Å) (or A with a dot, for you who don't know finnish/swedish/norwegian etc alphabet), then Ä, (A with two dots) and Ö (O with two dots.) So what did i get as a result?


NON
EXI
STY
NT?

NO
MO
RE

IS
IT

NAM
ELE
SS

....Damn. I think I cracked a code for the first time in my life.

What does this mean, then? Nonexistent? No more. Is it Nameless? Maybe? But who or what does it refer to?

-Darkn3z

This time!

This is making me really angry. I come home from a long day out and find my notebook laying on the floor, witch scribbles on it with the same black marker as in the paper from "Well..." It has the symbol in it and There's a paper with the symbol in it and it's full of question marks. I'm so angry right now. I took the notebook and went to ask my little brother if he had drawn it, even though it was impossible that it was him this time. I had hidden my notebook well, he had exited the house before me and forgot his keys so I had to let him in as I came home, and that was when I found the notebook. I searched the entire house for a marker like that, but didn't find anything similar, only a thicker one that hasn't been working for three years or so.

The Cover with the symbol

 So this is the cover of the notebook, and the symbol has been cruelly scribbled into it. This makes me son angry, the notebook was important to me, even though it's still pretty new. The rest of the scibbles, they seem to be a code or something. Currently I'm too angry and tired to try to solve it, but I hope it's easy enough and I don't have to spend the entire day with it.

The inside of the cover..

This is the inside of the cover with a series of numbers that I'll list later. It also has a Question mark after the numbers so I suppose it's a question. I don't know if it's a sentence or a word but I'll have to look into it later. there's also that  symbol AGAIN

Another symbol...

This is the first page with ANOTHER symbol. That's my hand you're seeing there,sorry. Those are the battery cables of my computer and cellphone.

MORE numbers!

The second page / opening of the notebook with more numbers. the outline of the symbol can be seen from through the page. The weird part on this page is that my blog password has been covered with the marker. It's sort of scaring me that someone knows the password, and I'm gonna change it right away.

And even more numbers!

This is the next opening. More numbers and the next page's numbers can be seen from through the page. again, my hand got into the picture, I didn't pay attention when I was taking these pics.

I haven't told you everything.

 Ah, well. I guess I have to explain the drawing. It's another dream I had a while back, but I didn't write about it. I fear that people don't believe me and I didn't want to make myself look silly. I seriously wonder why people even are reading this. Also this is just how he seems to look like in my dreams. But anyway, there's that symbol and one more series of numbers.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ????

This was the paper that was inside the notebook. It's creepy, I admit it. I don't know who did this, or why. And I want to know what the symbol means.

"Watching you"? Well fuck you too.

Stop it with the symbols, ok?








THEN THIS. I can't even describe the feeling I got as I flipped the notebook over and this was here. If it's meant to imply "Watching you" or something else, then I might have a stalker or two. And not in a romantic way, the most twisted way you can possibly imagine. I got the shivers.








So the numbers are in this order:

16 15 16

25 6 21

11 10 5

16 10 ?

16 15

17 15

12 25

21 11

21 10

16 29 17

25 18 25

11 11 

I'm too tired to try and crack it right now. I'll look into it tomorrow. feel free to help me if you want to, I'd greatly appreaciate it!

So, the dream I had. i don't remember much of it. But I remember that I had climbed up to a tree and sat there, and he stood in front of me. I felt very scared, but didn't move or anything. He didn't move either, and that's all I can remember. I didn't even write it down to my journal.

I'll continue using my journal, even though this happened. I'm not gonna give in to whoever did this!

-Darkn3z

Nothing new?

My head is hurting and I didnt sleep a single hour last night, but otherwise I'm feeling okay. Just tired. And hungry, heh.
Aside from all this awesome sh!t happening to me, I'm a weirdo. underneath all the anxiety that's nagging me constantly, (It's a lot easier to write stuff online than to TALK about it to someone, trust me) I have a dark sense of humour and I'm selfish. Also, I both love and hate sarcastic people, (I'm definitely not one of them,) they make me want to hug them, but also punch the shit out of them. I have a dumb brother who is 12 and his life goal seems to be annoying everyone to the edge of beating them up. Seriously, I wonder why the hell someone hasn't already kicked his ass. But he does have his "okay" moments too. Usually when he sleeps or something. My dad is something I do not wish to talk about, but my parents are divorced. My mum and I both are somewhat hot-headed and that means we argue a lot, at least we did, before all "Explanation" shit and so on, nowadays we don't talk nearly at all. I'm having headache all the time, and I just tell her not to talk to me too much. She knows I have migraines and I have meds for them, but she doesn't know about the other stuff.

My childhood was pretty normal, I think, but I don't remember much about it. We lived next to the woods, and I remember me and my best friend playing in them all the time. But I don't remember anything weird happening, so it's not like "Hurr hurr durr durr I lived next to teh woods and now slendurrman is after me lol" Actually, the woods were really nice and not ominous at all, there were many paths that were and are used daily and it's a pretty small forest actually. I don't remember much about my parents' divorce other than that they were yelling at each other all the time, and that I was scared. They got a divorce when I was around 4 or maybe 5.  I can't actually remember a longer period than 9 or 10 months of not seeing a psychologist or a therapist more or less regularly after I started school. I was always in detention and I was very aggressive towards other kids. I got bullied because of that, and now that I'm starting the 9th grade (Finnish school system ftw) I'm mostly a loner.

Why am I telling about myself this much? I love writing, but I would never write this much about myself, even into a journal or a "diary", but somehow I'm feeling like I need to. Probably another mental illness symptom thing or something.

Haven't been writing to my journal in a while, I think I might do it after posting this.

-Darkn3z

I don't know.

My head is really aching. I think I met him again ,but I'm not sure. It could be just me. At least I want to believe that it's just my brain playing tricks on me. Have you ever had a migraine? If you have, you know what I feel like right now. I'm probablyabout to throw up agian on any second. Fuckity fuck.
So, I was walking home from my friend's house (She lives only a kilometer away from me, but I usually cross through the woods. I didn't do that for a while after "Explanation" but this time I finally got enough courage to do it and prove that it was just my eyes.) and as I was walking in the woods, I suddenly felt how my head started aching, and I got this ominous feeling ,like I was being watched. I got so anxious and paranoid that some feral instinct kicked in and I actually dashed out of the forest, ran home and nearly fainted in the hallway. I remember struggling to the bathroom and throwing up. My ears are still ringing and I  feel terrible, but it's getting better. I actually wanted to ignore this and not write about it, but it would be nagging me inside if I hadn't written this here.
I'm unsure on what to believe now. I don't want to jump to conclusions, because I didn't actually see him this time, but the reaction was nearly exactly the same as last time. I still believe it's just me and my eyes are playing tricks on me, (And there is this weird, weird need to write everything here) but I'm not so sure anymore. This isn't normal, right?

-Darkn3z

Well...

I did sleep well, I don't even remember what I dreamed about, but then this happened to be on my desk.

 This is the backside, there is nothing written on it, but guess what? This page has been ripped from my notebook. It's the same kind of paper the journal has. The second picture has my username in it, and some trees, Then there is that symbol. I finally remember, it's the same one from my dreams. But it's impossible that I could have written this in my dreams, because it seems like it has been outside, the paper was damp and crumpled. Also, I don't own similar pens as the one used to draw this.

So here is the paper. I'm wondering what the symbol means. I've decided that I was just very sleep deprived that day when I wrote "Explanation", but that still doesn't explain this shit.
Could be my stupid little brother trying to prank me, hence the stupid Slender: The Eight Pages - drawing style and the cheesiness, but how could have he known exactly what the symbol looked like?





EDIT//: Since this happened I changed my username to Darkn3z, And I also found out that Dark 3z is some Dj or something (I really DO NOT know for sure.) so I thought, "Hey, I have enough reasoning to change my name now!" and Darkn3z indeed is Darkn three z, but pronounced DarknEz if you want so. The url will stay the same though.

-Darkn3z

Twitter account

I created a twitter account for quick updates. I doubt I'll use it much, but I still created it if I happen to need to update something quick.

https://twitter.com/NorthernDarkn3z


EDIT//: Oh, and I do feel better at the moment. I took a nap and the headache is gone.


-Darkn3z

What the hell?

Okay, okay, okay.
I'm having a terrible headache, I regularly suffer from migraines, but this is worse. It feels like my head is under so much pressure that it's about to explode. Then why am I on computer and writing this? Well, the reason is that the headache began only after I did something, (that shouldn't even cause headache at all!)
But what exactly did I do?
I was looking through the pictures I took from our summer cottage a couple of days ago (We came back the morning I wrote my first post) and there were a couple of distorted  images. I agree that my samsung galaxy gio camera SUCKS, but it NEVER distorts the colours like it did with these two. And the weirdest thing; The more I observed these pictures, the more my head started aching. Finally I had to stop looking at them, but the headache kept worsening. I'll post all of the pics I took, the non-distorted ones first to show you what they should look like.
 

 So here are the first four pics I took. Nothing weird about them yet, no. The first one is taken behind the small shack in the second picture, showing some of the woods and such.

 This one is the same shack/shed as in the first pic, with the lake showing on the background, with the famous "midnight sun" reflecting from the lake. It was around midnight I took all of these pictures, you can only imagine how beautiful it actually was.

 And then this is a part of the field, just a random pic I took of my shadow. In the background you can see the house from one of the distorted pictures. My shadow looks really tall because the sun was so low, and shone from right behind me.

And here, just for the sake of it, is the Finnish pride: The beutiful, amazing nature. You can see how the sun is shining low and reflects on the still lake. And if you are wondering, that mist isn't actually golden, the sun just makes it look like it is. I'm glad I get to live in such a beautiful country.






And now for the distorted ones. I haven't yet noticed anything weird about them, except the colour distortion and the slight blur and pixelation in the other one. I used gimp 2.6 to zoom around them and tried to make them look normal again, but didn't succeed. I'm terrible with that kind of stuff.

 So here's the same house that can be seen in the background of the 3rd normal image. This is the worse one, with more distortion than what the other one has. The colours are all weird and it's pixelated and blurry.

And this is the other one. this has less distortion in it, but it's still got the colour distorted and so on. I don't know what happened to them, but I have to stop writing very soon, I feel like I might go blind if I look at these pictures too much.








EDIT//: Oh, and no, these are the original pictures. I didn't save the ones I messed around with.

All I gotta say is what the fuck? this isn't normal. How does this even happen?
But seriously, I gotta stop or else I might faint or something. I might post again later today.

-Darkn3z

Dream update #2

Jst woke up a minute ago. Had a strange dream.
I was running through a parking hall, trying to escape somthing. Then the setting changed and I was sitting next to a tree in the woods, and there was tht symbol again, carved in the tree, with a knife next to it. Still can't quite remember what it looked like. Then I wok e up.
I wrote it directy here. I'll copy it to my journal later. Can't really sleep yet, this dream still has me shivering. I woke up sweaty and trembling, and almost peed my pajama pants when I saw my jackets hanging on the wall, forming a strange figur e. Ugh.
I'll try to sleep again soon and post again tomorrow.
Sorry for the gramar mistakes, I'm tired and it's hard to type in the darkness.

-Darkn3z

Nothing weird....

Today has been better. I took a nap and ate and such. No big deal, nothing new. I felt slightly better today too. I'm hoping that everything that happened was just my imagination. Have a nice day today, like I did. I'll post if something happens and if nothing happens, I'll post tomorrow.
I know I haven't got many readers, but I have to thank the few that bother to read this. I hope everything sorts out and I'll find a reason for what I saw. Feel free to comment, I'll moderate them though, because no-one likes to read troll comments.

I'm wondering if I should tell my psychologist, but I decided that maybe not yet. It could be just sleep deprivation like I said, and I don't want medication for schizophrenia or anything. I'm not crazy, at least I hope I'm not.

-Darkn3z

Dream update #1,5

EDIT//: I forgot to apologize for my handwriting. It was around 3 or 4 am when I wrote the dream and it was VERY dark in my room.
EDIT 2//: I changed the name.

I got to my computer as quickly as I could, in order to write the dream down here. I have included a picture of the page where the dream is written. I really hope that it's all just my imagination.

"HAD A WEIRD DREAM
In my dream I was standing in the middle of a forest and I remember hearing
someone chanting my name over and over again. there was a weird symbol
carved in a tree. I could feel someone watching me.
Can't really remember the symbol though, but I'm fairly certain there was a
circle. Two circles if I'm correct."

Now that I read the dream again, I can remember that there definitely was a symbol. I know for certain it wasn't the popular "circle and an x through it" symbol from Marble Hornets... But I still can't remember what it really was, for certain. Again, I just hope everything is because of sleep deprivation or I'm just crazy.
The voice that was chanting my name, I can't remember what it sounded like either. It's like yesterday, I can't remember what he sounded like.

Hmm, I've been wondering, maybe I should call him something else than "the Slenderman", since it is such a popular name and it is mostly associated with the games and internet meme. I personally like The Tree man and The Tall man a lot, but I'll stick to Slenderman for now.
I probably should mention another thing. This is an exact quote from my journal, dated June 19th, 2014

"This (the notebook) seems to be missing pages.
I remember the notebook being thicker when closed,
so it has to be a notable amount. Maybe it's just my imagination, I don't know.
I just can't shake off the feeling that there's something wrong with it.
Weird thing is that the pages must be empty, because my first journal entry is
still in place.
Nothing big happened today."

So what can I make out of this? Nightmares and missing notebook pages, that are empty. And oh, almost forgot. The fucking Slenderman is probably after me if my eyes aren't lying, which I hope they are. great.

-Darkn3z

Dream update #1

I had another nightmare today. Can't remember what happened in it, though. I only remember waking up sweaty, coughing and trembling in adrenalin, and I fell asleep pretty quikly after that. I think I wrote the dream in my journal while I was awake, but I'm too lazy to check it now. I'll write it up here later, since I'm on my phone right now.
-Darkn3z

Explanation

So what's my point in this anyways? I'm lost. I will be taken like everyone else. I'm just a fucking teenager, what can I do? At least I could inform people, someone has to read this some day. I'll just keep writing. I guess I should explain who I am. I'm a female teenager, I live in southern Finland, but I can't say the exact location. Only thing I can say is that the area I live in is wooded. I will keep myself incognito for now, In order to protect my identity. I'm diagnosed with mixed anxiety disorder, but these "hallucinations" or whatever you would call them are new. I know what it is, I have seen it from all the slenderblogs and slenderseries, and I thought it was fake. But fuck no, it's not. Sorry for the language, I just got home and instantly went to computer in order to create this blog... I had this dream about the Slenderman, (Yeah, everyone's had a dream or two of him, so nothing unusual about that) but in the dream, I was completely unable to move, he stood in front of me and  extended his arms. I could hear him say my name, but the weird thing is that I can't remember what he sounded like. Then I felt like falling and then I woke up. I forgot the dream pretty soon after waking up, and my day went on normally. But in the evening I decided to go for a walk in the nearby woods, and I saw him again. This time he was in the distance, but my head started pounding and I started coughing like crazy. I turned around and started running as I remembered the dream, and fuck, he appeared in front of me. I can't remember much from what had happened after that, but I remember running home and crying. I decided I needed to inform people, really, anyone who reads this, so I made this blog. And for the record, it could be just my mind playing tricks on me. I haven't slept very well for a while, having nightmares and waking up in the middle of the night. I really, really hope that I'm just sleep deprived...

-Darkn3z